Rar mi se intampla sa citesc un dictionar din scoarta in scoarta. Rar, adica niciodata. Pana la The Penguin Dictionary of Humorous Quotations. Am ales din nenumaratele citate cateva…daca ar fi fost dupa mine as fi copiat toata cartea šŸ™‚

1 Everybody sat around thinking about Panasonic, the Japanese Electronic account. Finally I decided, what the hell, Iā€™ll throw a line to loosen them upā€¦ā€The headline is, the headline is: From Those Wonderful Folks Who Gave You Pearl Harborā€. ā€“ Jerry Della Femina

2 Doing business without advertising is like winking at a girl in the dark: you know what you are doing, but nobody else does. ā€“ Edgar Watson Howe

3 My sad conviction is that people can only agree about what they are not really interested in. ā€“ Bertrand Russell

4 You can tell a lot about someoneā€™s personality if you know his sign: Jesus: born on 25 th December. Fed the 5000, walked on water ā€“ typical Capricorn. ā€“ Harry Hill

5 Someone asked Bertrand Russell at some meeting: ā€œLord Russell, what will you say when you die and are brought face to face with your Maker?ā€ He replied without hesitation: ā€œGod, ā€œI shall say ā€œGod, why did you make the evidence or your existence so insufficient?ā€ ā€“ A.J. Ayer

6 An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support. ā€“ John Buchan

7 Iā€™m tired about all this nonsense about beauty being skin-deep. Thatā€™s deep enough. What do you want ā€“ an adorable pancreas? ā€“ Jean Kerr

8 My wife and I tried to breakfast together, but we had to stop or our marriage would have been wrecked. ā€“ Winston Churchill

9 I went on a diet, swore of drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks. ā€“ Joe E. Lewis

10 A dog is the only thing on this earth that loves you more than you love yourself. ā€“ Josh Billings

11 A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. ā€“ Ogden Nash

12 Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close ā€“ knit family in another city. ā€“ George Burns

13 Whatever women do, they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. ā€“ Charlotte Whitton

14 There is a fine line between fishing and sitting on the riverside looking like an idiot. ā€“ Anon

15 History is the sum total of the things that could have been avoided. ā€“ Konrad Adanaueur

16 History teaches us that men and nations act wisely after they have exhausted all other alternatives. ā€“ Abba Eban

17 Iā€™d rather be black than gay because when you are black you donā€™t have to tell your mother. ā€“ Charles Pierce

18 A Lexicon for Fighting Marital Fights
Amnesia ā€œWho do you think you are?ā€
Apology ā€œPARDON me for LIVING!ā€
Family tree ā€œSheā€™s YOUR mother, not mineā€.
Hearing Impairments: ā€œCould you speak up a little? They canā€™t hear you in Europe!ā€
Language barrier: ā€œWhatā€™s the matter, donā€™t you understand English?ā€
Miming: ā€œI hadnā€™t realized weā€™d descended to that levelā€
Wildlife: ā€œThatā€™s right, use physical violence. Thatā€™s all an animal like you knows anyway.ā€

19 Get your tongue out of my mouth, I am kissing you goodbye! ā€“ Cynthia Helmel

20 Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law. ā€“ Hubert Humphrey

to be continued…